The Bounty Hunter-you know, the one where Gerard Butler puts handcuffs on Jennifer Aniston NOT for sexual matters
The Last Airbender- you know, the one where the Indian guy from the Daily Show almost punched a fish
Sex and the City 2- you know, the one where the senile old ladies talk very crass in the desert
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse- you know, the one where the vampire sparkles in the sun–EVERYWHERE
Vampires Suck- you know, the one where they try to make fun of the vampire sparkling in the sun, but to terrible effect
Jack Black, Gulliver’s Travels- SkaDAMN!
Gerard Butler, The Bounty Hunter- So I take it this isn’t the Boba Fett biopic I thought it was?
Ashton Kutcher, Killers and Valentine’s Day- Two crappy films in one year. Or as Kutcher calls it…a quality year
Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse and Valentine’s Day- Was it worth all the working out? The paycheck says “Yes.”
Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Ecliipse and Remember Me- Backlash, ftw!
Jennifer Aniston, The Bounty Hunter and The Switch- So how’s things without Brad, Jen?
Miley Cyrus, The Last Song- She’s still a thing?
Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis & Cynthia Nixon, Sex & the City 2- Hoes go down together.
Megan Fox, Jonah Hex- Without Transformers, what is a Fox to do?
Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse- HEY, WE HATE TWILIGHT! LOOK AT HOW COOL WE ARE!
Worst Supporting Actress
Jessica Alba, The Killer Inside Me, Little Fockers, Machete and Valentine’s Day- This was Alba’s year, eh?
Cher, Burlesque- No comment.
Lizi Minnelli, Sex and the City 2- Lizi Minnelli was in Sex and the City 2?
Nicola Peltz, The Last Airbender- Because 16 year olds don’t deserve self esteem!
Barbra Streisand, Little Fockers- Once again, no comment.
Worst Supporting Actor
Billy Ray Cyrus, The Spy Next Door- Go back to the 80’s, washout!
George Lopez, Marmaduke, The Spy Next Door, and Valentine’s Day- Damn, George Lopez deserves a Lifetime Acheivement Award!
Dev Patel, The Last Airbender- Jai ho, bitch!
Jackson Rathbone, The Last Airbender and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse- The meat and sarcasm guy, except no meat or sarcasm.
Rob Schneider, Grown Ups- Sigh…no comment.
(Note: At this point, I will sit back and let the Razzies speak for themselves. The remaining categories are as follows.)
Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3D
Cats & Dogs 2: Revenge of Kitty Galore
Clash of the Titans
The Last Airbender
Saw 3-D (aka Saw VII)
Worst Screen Couple/Worst Screen Ensemble
Jennifer Aniston & Gerard Butler, The Bounty Hunter
Josh Brolin’s Face & Megan Fox’s Accent, Jonah Hex
The Entire Cast of The Last Airbender
The Entire Cast of Sex & The City 2
The Entire Cast of Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Vampires Suck
Michael Patrick King, Sex & The City 2
M. Night Shyamalan, The Last Airbender
David Slade, Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables
The Last Airbender, Written by M. Night Shyamalan, based on the TV series created by Michael Dante DiMartino and Brian Konietzko
Little Fockers, Written by John Hamburg and Larry Stuckey, based on Characters Created by Greg Glenna & Mary Roth Clarke
Sex & the City 2, Written by Michael Patrick King, Based on the TV Series Created by Darren Star
Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg, Based on the Novel by Stephenie Meyer
Vampires Suck, Written by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
Clash Of The Titans
The Last Airbender
Sex & The City 2
Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Well, there you have it. And you wanted Oscar nominations…why when you have this!