The Evil Dumb: 5 Villains Who Sabotaged Their Own Stupid Plans

1 x men days of future past magneto

Magneto Comes Up with a Plan That Will Cause the Very Thing He’s Trying To Prevent. In X-Men: Days Of Future Past, everyone’s favorite hirsute, cigar smoking mutant, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) does some Quantum Leaping back to the early 1970s, in order to stop Mystique from killing Bolivar Trask, thus inadvertently initiating the creation of the Sentinels, who will one day destroy civilization as we know it. Wolvie joins forces with young Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and they free Magneto (Michael Fassbinder) from prison to help find Mystique. However, Magneto decides on an alternative plan of action and goes into business for himself.

He sets out to kill Mystique, reasoning that killing her will prevent her from killing Trask and therefore the Sentinels will never need to be made, because the humans will not have the same fear of mutants in the revised timeline. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Well, not for long. Magneto is too much of a diva to fly below the radar.

Later in the film, Magneto—having failed to kill Mystique—uses his power to take control of Trask’s Sentinels and utilizes them in a not-very-subtle attempt to assassinate the President of the US on live TV . Making an ostentatious flying entrance by dropping a whole stadium on the White House lawn, Eric then makes a televised statement so that everyone in the world knows that Magneto–a mutant–is responsible for the chaos and death. He scares the Jackman out of everyone watching.

Why It’s Dumb: Correct me if I’m mistaken, but the goal of this entire mission was to prevent the anti-mutant fear that Mystique caused and to make sure that the Sentinels never got made. So perhaps publicly televised terrorism and Presidential assassinations might add up to a self-defeating strategy. What sense does it make to try to stop the creation of mutant-hunting machines by becoming such a terrifying menace, he proves without doubt that the world needs mutant-hunting machines to protect themselves from menaces like Magneto. What Magneto should have done is stay in hiding, and covertly taken control of the Sentinels, making them go bananas and killing the President. If everyone saw those intimidating Gigantors going on a murder spree, the metal monstrosities would all have been dismantled in a heartbeat and Trask would’ve been ruined and disgraced. Problem solved. No more Sentinels. But Magneto does the exact WRONG thing, creating the very situation he sought to prevent. Fortunately, there were smarter mutants on hand to straighten things out.

Verdict:  Apparently, Magneto won’t grow a working brain until he becomes Ian McKellen. This young Magneto is not a great thinker. Dumb plan!

terminator 5 8

The Evil Skynet Picked the One Guy in the World Who Couldn’t Do What They Needed Him To Do As Their Hitman. In Terminator Genisys, we see future legend John Connor get assimilated by Skynet tech, and transformed into a semi-Terminator. This robotic version of John is still really him and not a robot copy. Skynet then sends Robo-John back to 2014, to make sure that Skynet is created. His instructions are pretty clear…to protect Skynet at all costs. Basically, Skynet was creating someone who would do anything and kill anyone to ensure the Skynet gets activated.

Why It’s dumb: Robo-Johnny is supposed to eliminate anyone who would have the foresight to preemptively destroy Skynet. The probem is, that can only mean two people: Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese … John’s parents in the future. Therefore, Robo-Connor is unable to kill either of them because he will cease to exist if he does, which would make it rather hard to continue to carry out his mission of protecting Skynet. Robo-John tries several times to talk Sarah and Reese into joining him as one big robot family, because he can’t kill them. In fact, he’s the ONLY ONE in the world who can’t kill them, because his existence depends on them. Any other Terminator sent back in time by Skynet would’ve just immediately snuffed those pesky humans out and successfully accomplished its mission. So why, of all the people to choose from, did Skynet pick the only person who would be utterly incapable of succeeding in this mission? Why not send someone else. Anyone else!

Verdict: These artificial intelligences are not very intelligent. Maybe they have a malware problem or something, because even a 1980 Commodore computer would be logical enough to know that you never select an assassin who physically cannot succeed in his task. Maybe they should have hired Ultron for this job.  

Signs

The Water-Vulnerable Aliens in Signs Invade a World of Mostly Water: In M. Night Shyamalan’s sci-fi flick Signs, Aliens travel from their homeworld with the intention of conquering and colonizing the Earth. They are defeated when their weakness to water is discovered. Water is like acid to the aliens and so they retreat to the stars before April showers come and wipe them out.

Why It’s Dumb: If you’re going to invade a planet, it’s probably wise to do a little research first. Pick up a copy of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and learn a little bit about the place you’re trying to conquer. It might have been helpful for aliens who melt like the Wicked Witch of the West when they’re wet to know that (1) Earth is 70% water; (2) It frequently rains water from the clouds; (3) Water is accessible to humans via every faucet, hose and shower head. (4) Fire hydrants are on every block; (5) Fire trucks can spray water for 100 yards, and (6) even little children have water pistols.

Yes, the “advanced’ aliens invaded a planet where even small children have toys that can kill them. The final showdown in the film ends when an alien is killed by a half-empty glass of water left lying around by a little girl. And if the humans don’t get you, the first rainy day that comes will wipe them all out.

Verdict: Your plan is doomed to failure if an elementary school kid with a water balloon or a common afternoon drizzle can kill you. Go look for a desert planet somewhere. Maybe they can rent Luke Skywalker’s old room on Tatooine.

621 356 star trek generations

Dr. Sorin Needlessly Draws Attention to Himself When He Could Have Gotten Into the Nexus Easily Without Opposition: Let’s take a look at the villain’s scheme in Star Trek: Generations. The dastardly Dr. Sorin (Malcom McDowell) wants to get back into the temporal Nexus, because during his previous 10 second visit there, he somehow learned that time does not exist in the Nexus and you can live forever. He’s obsessed with getting back in. Ok, I’ll buy it so far. But let’s look at his plan for getting back. He makes a secret deal with both the Romulans and the Klingons to get what he needs covertly, in order to change the path of the “ribbon”. He naturally doesn’t want to bring attention to the fact that his plan will cause the death of billions of people after he blows up their sun. Sensible enough. So he schemes in secret, and only the Duras sisters know what he’s really up to. It’s all supposed to be very covert.

So what does his “secret”, covert plan entail? He blows up stars, changes the gravitation of the whole galaxy, kidnaps a Star Fleet officer, and instigates a space battle between the Enterprise and the Duras sister’s ship. So much for staying under the radar. Didn’t he think anyone would notice stars blowing up and gravity changing, causing ships to make course corrections? And kidnaping Geordi was a rather clear (and pointless) hint that he was up to no good. Sorin did everything except send out a Magneto-like message announcing that there’s an evil plan afoot. He was just asking for someone to investigate.

Why It’s Dumb: He didn’t need to do any of this stuff! His whole goal was simply to reach the “ribbon” (And what kind of name for a hazardous Celestial object—and vital plot MacGuffin—Is “the ribbon”? Whatever happened to cool Star Trek names like the Doomsday Machine and the Guardian of Forever? The ribbon? That’s the best they could come up with?) Rather than hatching his over-achieving plan where he changes the gravity of the galaxy to change the path of the “ribbon”…Why Not Just Use a Damn Ship!! Yes, I know that Data added in a plot convenient line about all the ships going into the ribbon being destroyed, but that doesn’t matter, since—as happened with the Lacul in the beginning of the film—the passengers were all whisked safely into the Nexus, despite the destruction of the ship.

Look at the events of the film itself. How did Sorin originally get into the Nexus? On a ship. How did Guinan get in? On a ship. How did all the Allurians in the opening scene get into the Nexus? On a ship. How did Kirk get in? On a ship. Are you seeing a pattern here? Yes, all Sorin had to do was hop into a ship and fly into the “ribbon”. Even if the ship was destroyed, he would still end up in the Nexus, exactly as he did the previous time he entered via ship. You’ll notice that the section of the Enterprise C where Kirk was located got destroyed but that didn’t matter, because Kirk still got sucked into the “ribbon”.

Even if Sorin was paranoid about using a ship, he could have tried one of those Thruster Suits from Star Trek: the Motion Picture, or perhaps even a transporter beam. After all, it was a transporter beam that pulled Sorin and the other Allurians out of the Nexas in the beginning, proving conclusively that transporter beams can obviously pierce “the ribbon” into the Nexus, so why not transport back in there? The point is, there were many easier ways to pass through the “ribbon” without changing the gravity of the whole galaxy and attracting the attention of Starfleet, not to mention raising the ire of the Romulans who also tried to kill him.

Verdict: Talk about an over-achiever. This guy is the type of over-eager bozo who, if asked to catch a mouse, would build a race of killer robots cats to take over the world rather than buying a mouse trap.

demolition man movie review simon phoenix doctor raymond cocteau nigel hawthorne wesley snipes

Releasing a Deranged Maniac In Order to Maintain a Peaceful Society in Demolition Man: Talk about a plan with an obvious internal backfire, Dr. Raymond Cocteau’s goofball scheme may be the clear winner. Let’s recap the plot of Demolition Man. Cocteau was the mastermind behind the rebuilding of the devastated cities of Los Angeles and San Diego in the future, recreating them in a way he considered to be better than before. He built the city as a crimeless but overly regulated utopian society, where even minor sins such as cursing and eating unhealthy foods are illegal. Still, the inhabitants of the renamed San Angeles seemed quite satisfied with their super-strict home town, and Cocteau became worshipped as a sort of messiah, treated with the greatest of respect and admiration. He rules as the highest authority. Therefore, it was in Cocteau’s best interest to keep the status quo exactly as it is.

Along comes Dennis Leary as rebellious Edgar Friendly, leader of a disgruntled group who miss the freedoms from the days before Cocteau. They show their unhappiness by painting graffiti on things. Their worst crime is stealing food to eat. Cocteau is irate at this unauthorized interruption in the peaceful, uneventful, business-as-usual world of San Angeles. Something must be done! So what does he do to maintain a peaceful, quiet, orderly city? He unleashes a homicidal maniac into the city!

Why It’s Dumb: Do I even need to explain why this is blatantly brainless? To get rid of Friendly, Cocteau releases deranged killer Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes), a mass murderer frozen since the 20 century, known for his violence and sadism. This crazed outlaw is the guy that Cocteau has chosen to restore order. To make things worse, Cocteau has covertly programmed Phoenix in his cryogenic sleep with a dozen new, more lethal techniques to kill Friendly with. He turns Phoenix into a super killer and then unleashes him onto his unprepared, peaceful society; all in the name of keeping law and order. Phoenix immediately begins causing chaos, beating up cops, robbing weapons from museums, killing people and generally wrecking-havoc far worse than the graffiti-spraying Ed Friendly. Phoenix never actually gets around to killing Mr. Friendly because he’s having too much fun bringing wanton destruction and death to San Angeles. Isn’t killing cops worse than swiping food or spraying graffiti? Phoenix was a far worse hindrance to Cocteau’s plan for keeping a mellow, pleasant, 1950’s sitcom city than Friendly was.

The smart move Cocteau should have done is what his cop lackeys actually did… Wake up that scurge of criminals, the eponymous Demolition Man (Sylvester Stallone) and get him to do what he does so well: Hunting down and capturing criminals. That way, Cocteau could have had Ed Friendly arrested and then “accidently” eliminate him in his cell, and in the meantime, Stallone wouldn’t be doing any ‘murder-death-kills’ on innocent civilians or cops. Order restored and status quo maintained.

Verdict: For a guy who had such a grand vision for creating a perfect utopia, he really didn’t think this scheme through carefully. He didn’t think it through at all! Releasing a murderous sadist on a basically defenseless city, just for the purpose of stopping a graffiti guy, is like Sheriff Andy Taylor trying to stop Otis the town drunk from being a public nuisance by unleashing a savage Tyrannosaurus Rex onto Mayberry in the hope that maybe one of the people he’ll eat is the Otis.


 

So there it is…Five totally backward plans done by dopey dolts who don’t even need a hero to keep them from succeeding. They basically foil themselves with their own pathetic planning. Can you think of any worse plans by other villains without a clue?